DISAPPOINTED BY GOD (part 1)
Walking through a difficult season is… well, difficult. But these 2 critical questions have helped me get through some of my hardest times.
A few months ago (a good month before the COVID-19 shutdown) I had the opportunity to speak to room of about 300 high school students for their weekly chapel service. I’ve been spending a lot of time with these amazing kids at Coastal Christian High School, and while my role there doesn’t include speaking or leading worship, I was excited to have the chance to share from my heart. After a few weeks of prayerfully considering what to speak on, I kept coming back to the idea of DISAPPOINTMENT - in being Disappointed or Let Down by God.
This was 4 weeks prior to all the adjustments that the school, and the world for that matter, had to go through due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. During that time, I’ve watched and talked with students who, like everyone else, have had to cancel things they had been planning all year long. Senior choir members who won’t be singing at Carnegie Hall. Student actors who won’t be performing Beauty and the Beast this spring. Senior athletes who won’t be playing their final home game on senior day. All these and more make for some pretty heavy disappointment.
So here are a few of the thoughts that I shared with this group back in February. A few of them are little more applicable to all of us here today than even 4 weeks ago. They certainly are hitting home for me in these days.
We all tend to write a narrative or a story-line, or a script for ourselves that positions us where we want to be in life. The place where we see ourselves. We make plans. We prepare by going to school, by acquiring a certain skill, or we make hard decisions and sacrifice to help us get to that place. But then something happens. Something we didn’t plan on. Something that was certainly NOT part of our script or narrative. In a word, “DISAPPOINTMENT”. The etymology of that word speaks of “a failure to realize an expectation or an appointment.”
For some of you in childhood you experienced this when your parents informed you they were splitting up. The story of your childhood would now be very different than what you had planned.
Some high school seniors made their plans based on that dream-school acceptance letter, but instead, it was a “unfortunately this isn’t going to be a good fit for us…” letter. Now, your college story will look much different than you planned.
Almost all of us at some point have prayed for someone we love who was so very sick, then we attended their funeral. What we thought could be, what we hoped would be, didn’t. For me it was my dad, and after praying for a miracle, we had to say our goodbyes.
And now… my goodness, in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis, there isn’t one person who isn’t experiencing a “failure of realizing an expectation or appointment.” We are all facing disappointments. Olympic athletes who won’t be competing after a life of training. Brides who have set aside their year-long wedding planning for a simple ceremony with only their parents and no reception. College seniors who will not get to experience a commencement and hear their name called to receive their diploma. Not to mention the thousands of funerals being planned because the lives cut short by this awful and invisible virus. This list could go on, and on, and on. You have a narrative that would make this list because you have your own disappointment. Perhaps related to the corona virus, or maybe going back way farther. And no matter how, who or when… sometimes we can experience disappointment to the degree that we begin to feel the direction and trajectory of our lives has changed - and usually not for the better. When I’m in the middle of one of these seasons, there is also a temptation to attach my disappointment to God… that He has caused this to happen TO me.
But here is a tough reality that I have come to learn, from both experience and life-lessons, and from the people that I have shared life with for many years:
“As we follow Jesus with a full and sincere heart, there will be times we don’t understand the story he’s writing and we will feel let down by a God who seems silent - or perhaps even cruel.”
We have just finished celebrating the Easter season - one of my favorite times of the year. And I was writing some of this post on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. This was one of those “all is quiet and God is silent” days. The day after Jesus’s death. So many thought he was God, but not today… on Saturday, they knew he was dead, and they thought it was for good. Their story line changed. Their expectations dashed. Their disappointment validated as real.
A few years ago, we watched my son’s love and desire for football cut short. He had moved into the role of place-kicker at JT Hoggard High School. He was good… like, really good (unbiased opinion here). His junior year, we had one of those rare moments to see Caleb nail a 37 yard game winning field goal to beat Scotland County and move us on to round 4 of the playoffs. It was so fun to watch him play. His plans included the desire to perhaps play in college as a walk-on. He had the grades, and the skill… He just had to get noticed. Then in late October of his senior year, on a first quarter point after attempt in game 9 of the season, a very sloppy defender came in way too tight to block the attempt and landed across Caleb’s leg, hyper-extending his knee and rupturing 3 major ligaments. His high school kicking was done. His hope to play in college was gone. His expectation of contributing to and finishing his senior year with the Vikings, now nothing but an unattainable expectation.
This is an image that no parent ever wants to see.
I’m still inspired by how my then 17 year old son responded to this disruption and disappointment in his life. He’s actually taught me a lot about dealing with disappointment, and hopefully his story can inspire you a little too.
You see, Caleb didn’t choose to attend UNC Chapel Hill and play football. He chose instead to stay in his hometown and attend UNC Wilmington. He decided to study Economics and casually tacked on a second degree of Business Statistics (which I understand virtually nothing about!!) He became very close with the the Econ department head and was given so many great opportunities to explore this field that he now loves. He was given an offer at a dream job of his in an amazing town where he now lives. He’s connected to an awesome church and serves the people in his community through his role there. He’ll no doubt meet his future wife somewhere in the community he’s a part of. And NONE of that would be his reality if #24 for The Trojans didn’t come in tight and blow up Caleb’s knee.
WE DON’T GET TO CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS TO US, BUT WE DO GET TO CONTROL HOW WE RESPOND TO WHAT HAPPENS TO US.
That is really the only thing that we can control.
In the present reality of quarantine, social distancing and basically the whole world being shut down for a season… there is no end to the things that have happened TO us. But in the middle of all of this, and in the middle of any failed expectation of life or disappointing season, there are two critical questions that can be both LIFE- GIVING and ENERGIZING.
These two questions have helped me process so many seasons of life. Even the season that I’m currently in where I’ve found it a little more difficult than usual to find my way. If we can make these two question a part of our mental, spiritual and emotion Automatic Response System, then they could change how long we live in disappointment, and may help us adjust the trajectory of our life faster and lead us to joy sooner.
Here are the two questions….
1) GOD, WHAT ARE YOU WANTING TO TEACH ME IN THIS?
2) WHAT DOES THIS NOW MAKE POSSIBLE?
”God, what are you wanting to teach me in this?” is a recognition that God wastes nothing. He is constantly refining and shaping and growing things inside each of us. He can and he does use all things for his redemptive good. Even bad things. Even disappointment. We shouldn't miss out on that. Simply asking the question creates a posture to recognize what God may want to do in you through this. Then being quiet and attentive to him long enough may actually teach you something.
”What does this now make possible?”, is a GREAT question because it shows us opportunities and options that maybe we would not have considered before. This is one I see businesses, churches, communities, hospitals, recording artist, schools… really everyone is asking some form of this question. Sometimes it will cause you to stumble into a new innovation or a new passion. Sometimes it will cause you reevaluate your personal values and convictions. Either way, it’s a question that fertilizes hope in our story. It brings into the narrative some building blocks of new vision and allows us to simply consider…
Coming up in Part TWO of this post, I’m going to dig a little deeper into these two questions and hopefully fuel some things for us to consider as we live one more day, week, or month in this really weird and unprecedented season of life.
